So Glad I Did...

Yesterday was one of those nagging mornings when there were a million other things calling my name, that did not include going to church. Little did I know this week was a week I had looked forward to for months. After much discernment, I drug my behind in and sat in the last pew. WHAT AN AMAZING DAY IT WAS!! My former pastor's son was at church playing the bagpipes. This is by far my all time favorite. The Amazing grace rendition brought so many tears as I remembered all too well, my pastor's funeral. Along with that we had an amazing 5 year old congregation member who won 1st place in BMX nationals...AT 5!!! Then, we sang What a friend we have in Jesus (a song from my wedding) AND It is Well...which is at the top of my all time favorite hymn list. The fall calendar came out, filled with opportunities to serve. The message was wonderful as well...speaking about peace, and God knows I need a bit of that right now. I left church and stopped in the cremation garden. I shared a little prayer with my pastor that his son was in the house today and how proud he would be of him...I also chatted a bit with my dad...to update him on the latest happenings with the grandbabies. Just when you think it's not the day to go...drag your butt in. If you're like me, you'll be so glad you did!

Navigating the waters of loss...

We lost a very special man this weekend. My pastor...Bill Kerr, passed away. Many of you have read my interpretations of his powerful sermons here on the ole' blog. Shock, disbelieve, utter dismay, sadness, numbness, words that just can't describe the loss. What a presence, what a Holy man, what a wonderful father and husband...what a tremendous loss.

Even though this man pursued heaven with his whole heart it is just a day I cannot be happy for him. Selfish, I know. He and Debbie's son William and our big girl were born across the hall from each other at Rockford Memorial. There was a wasp in my room, so I got to go spend some time in Deb's room while the staff 'took care of' the wasp. Since then, Pastor Bill has baptized my children, buried too many relatives to list including Poppy, confirmed and married my niece and healed my heart on many occasions. Today, I'm not very good at navigating the waters of loss...just the waters of a broken heart. There are not words in my mind that I'm able to share with his wife and children...Please keep us all in your prayers...

Photo courtesy of rrstar.com

http://www.rrstar.com/communities/x110660868/Machesney-Park-pastor-accepted-everyone?popular=true

From the Great JC

Ever have one of those times in your life when you know it's decision time...pee or get off the pot so to speak? During this next week, I face a lot of decisions...changing jobs...to a job that is less hours, which should equate to less work...but really equates to more work, more learning, more dealing with personalities, more rules and regulations to master, etc. etc...but mostly change. A lot of change.

I have also decided this week to contact a friend of mine who has always told me I could work in his office; to begin the transformation to private practice...to find out exactly what needs to be done...how to get licensed, how to get on insurance boards, how to build a clientele, etc. etc. again...lots of change.

When I embarked on this journey three years ago I probably didn't think of the actual transformation...I think I only saw myself in an office with clients, and finally setting my own schedule. That is still the dream...but the bridges to cross to get there seem daunting. I still have to make a substantial income, I still have to provide my family with health insurance...I can't just get me a 'start where I'm at and we'll make money later' kind of job. So it seems there are added pressures. I also want to take a percentage of low income clients, and so I'll need to learn how to do that without going broke! Anyway...

Today I went to church. It was lay ministry Sunday and by far one of the best services I have ever been to. We had an amazing musician Dr. Todd Payne at the service who sang and recited part of Dr. MLK's speech, I have a dream. Very fitting today for my struggles. Then, four members of the church spoke instead of our Pastor. A statement by one of them I thought was fitting for today is "The same Holy Spirit that was with Jesus on the cross is with me." How powerful is that? If the Holy Spirit can get Jesus through Crucifixion I can certainly get through a job change...and it'll all be alright! Dr. Payne spoke a lot of change today and his summary was, "God will lead you through change which is constant." No matter where I'm at, there is going to be change...constant change. One of my favorite sayings is "Be the change you want to see in the world." There is a lot I have to offer those teachers, children, and families at the therapeutic day school. Along with that, I'm certain there is a lot I have to offer the children and families that will be attending my private practice. Although it isn't easy...I am confident it'll be ok. It came to me today from the Great JC Himself...

Today we closed with one of my favorite hymns of all time...Here I am Lord...


Here I am Lord
Words and Music by Daniel L Schutte© 1981

Genesis 46:2
"And God spake unto Israel in the visions of the night,and said, Jacob, Jacob. And he said, Here am I."

I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.

Chorus
Here I am, Lord.
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Chorus
Here I am, Lord.
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people’s pain.
I have wept for love of them.
They turn away.

Chorus
Here I am, Lord.
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my words to them.
Whom shall I send?

Chorus
Here I am, Lord.
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will send the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them.
My hand will save.

Chorus
Here I am, Lord.
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

Finest bread I will provide,
'Til their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them.
Whom shall I send?

Chorus
Here I am, Lord.
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

You lead me, I will go.