In the past hour or so, I have toyed with the idea of going to church. It's ordinarily not a decision, I just get up and go. Today is a little bit different. Today is father's day. Which means to me, two things. One, my dad is buried in the cremation garden, which I will have to walk by to go to church. Two, my former pastor is also buried in the cremation garden, which I will have to walk by to go to church. Any other day, I enjoy throwing a greeting their way...Hi Poppy & Pastor Bill, hope things are well in Heaven....miss you more than you know.
Today....I'm longing for a pastor Bill sermon about father's day and a trip to the store to buy Twinkies and peanut butter cookies for my dad, not a visit or a walk by the cremation garden. I'm longing to hear the benediction...And now may the Lord bless you and keep you, may he make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May God give you his peace in your going out and in your coming in, in your lying down and in your rising up, in your labor and in your leisure, in your laughter and in your tears, until that day you stand before Jesus in which there is no dawning and no end, in Pastor Bill's powerful voice with his hand held high for the blessing.
I'm longing for hugs for my kids from their Poppy, and handmade wooden toys, or the project B, or S, or K. I'm longing to hear...hey Jackson!...to take a picture on the Polaroid, or to go on a family outing to the garden store. But most of all....I'm longing to not be sad.
So today...I'm going to just stay home