Random Thoughts from a mother's heart...

Tuesday night my 14 year old son spent the night at a friend's house for the first time. It was very scary for me...not so much for him. My son has autism...this is a big step for him. He's only really had friends for the past few years and is very, um, well, unadept (is that a word) at navigating the 'friendship waters' so to speak. We have been 'practicing' friendship skills with him by having a few friends over on Friday nights to play video games. This of course is not really interactive play, but parallel play with friends in the same room. Be that as it may...it is the closest thing to friendship he knows. He had a play date arranged at this friend's house and called me at work to say..."Brandon asked me to sleep over." (According to his sister my son called Brandon and said...how bout I just sleep over?) A truly bold step for my boy. Immediately I talked myself through the small panic I was having. I would not be home to adequately 'prep' him...to go through all the social rules he won't observe or be aware of. I'll have about 15 minutes in the car to talk to him on the way to dropping him off and I don't know this family very well. I've only met them a few times. Will they accept my child as he is? Will they reprimand or belittle him? Will they appreciate his differences? Will the boys get along? Will my son have a panic? What if it rains? L-e-t G-o...That's all I could think of...this boy has to grow through the tough times...hopefully this won't be one of them. I dropped him off at Brandon's and had a brief uncomfortable conversation with his Dad..."Uh, yes, thank you for having my son over...he has High Functioning Autism (assuming here the whole world knows what that is) and he's never stayed over at anyone's house before." (I made a conscious decision here to not go through all the 'what ifs') I went on..."If for some reason (of which there could be many-is silently muttered to myself) this doesn't work out, please don't hesitate to call me...say if the boys don't get along, or Brennan feels like he needs to come home, please just have him call me...even if it's in the middle of the night." "Awww, don't worry, we'll be just fine" and off the Dad went back into the house. Uh, ok...I guess this is the part where I get in the car and go home...ok, I'm going now....really, I'm not peeking in the windows and stalking my son and his fragile interactions...I am going....now. I was off. I called to check on him that night, the next morning and the next afternoon. My son said, "I'm having fun...we played ping pong, I lost a tooth, I have most of my stuff packed except my tooth which is on the table." "Ok, my 22 hours of worrying is up...I'm coming to get you." "Ok Mom...see ya" I picked him up and really he wasn't too worse for the wear! He was a bit stressed that there was a disagreement between the parents while he was there, to which he replied..."it didn't really make me feel comfortable or welcome and I was a bit scared, kinda like I am with Dad" (Dad yells, I don't....and he's not really about yelling) I asked what they were fighting about and if they swore and he said no...Brandon's Dad said I could stay over without talking to the Mom and the Mom was mad. Oooohhhh, a mother scorned...been there! I reassured my son that anytime he wants to come home or feels unsafe all he has to do is call me. "I know" he said, "but I really wanted to stay" Yes my love...I know you did. Really, the biggest deal was the parents smoked, which my son said, "sets a bad example for their kids :)", gotta love him! We threw everything in the wash and sent him to the shower when he got home, and that was that. So far...so good!

Onward to the precious one (my baby girl) She has been all set to start Corn detassling any day. The team leader called on Monday to leave a message. She called him back 3 times and he hadn't called back. This morning, precious one's bff called to see why she wasn't there to detassle. WHAT?!?! Because we didn't know it started is why! So...evidently corn detassling is on the agenda for tomorrow. She has to be there at 5:30 and I'm sure a small stroke will ensue if she is late...so I imaging I'll be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow! I really didn't mind that she missed today since it is really hot and humid here...hope she gets through it ok. She's a tough cookie.

The big girl is getting through her lifegaurding classes just fine and plays her first softball game tonight (in the sweltering heat) since the cast removal. I'm super glad she's been swimming this week to rebuild a bit of stamina after the 6 weeks of sitting around. Her hand still hurts when she pitches, so I'm pretty sure that will not be on the agenda. I am a little miffed that it costs me $125 bucks for her to play the last 4 games-- but she wants to finish out the season and who knew she'd break her hand the first week, right?

Finally, weighing heavily on the mother's heart is the thought of my kids moving out. It seems odd to me that a few short moments ago we were overcome with diapers, babyfood, and more baby equipment than I ever thought was possible...now here it is time to look at colleges, ACT prep, driving and the list goes on. I believe serious dating is just around the corner and I surely don't think I'm ready for that. When I see a young couple holding hands or kissing in public I think...what on Earth will I do when that is my daughter or son? At my daughter's age I had already gone through my first heartbreak and was dating a guy I would later become engaged to and move out of state with. I feel TRULY blessed that my daughter has put off the inevitable as long as possible...but I am sure having to come to grips with it (dating) momentarily! She stated to me the other day that she'll be needing a homecoming dress for the dance. Uh...ok, sure. Someone texted her the other night to see if she liked him too. She asked me what to say to him, cuz in fact she doesn't like him. I urged her to use the old tried but true heartbreaking statement, "I like you as a friend." And that was that....She let me know the other day it's 14 weeks until she gets her license. AAARGH!!! Where did the time go? My son starts driving in 8 short months! I must quit now before I work myself into a mommy tizzy!

Until next time...

No Pain, No Gain

I have always considered myself a super goal oriented person. There are times however when you realize the sacrifices made to reach the goals and wonder if it's all worth it. Being that I am just on the brink of completing my second year of grad school, I am rreeeeaaaaallllllyyyyy feeling the squeeze of it all. I am in the process of finishing up internship #1 and starting internship #2. For the next two weeks they are overlapping a bit, which is just a bit overwhelming. This is one of those weeks where I have well over 50 hours in in 3 days and it just seems to really catch up with me. This past week, for some reason, every event of my life has not been written in my calendar (which is very unusual even for disorganized me) I typically don't make a plan or a commitment without checking the master schedule. Since my youngest is preparing to enter Junior High, her schedule is definitely picking up the pace: Auditions, sports decisions, class decisions, etc. I am grateful that she is super organized, and very seldom is a last minute kind of kid, but she also relies on me to be super organized (with the schedule at least) and this week I have let her down. On Tuesday, I had to miss her DDS appointment and mandatory Cheerleading meeting, because of overlapping schedules. Good thing she remembered the meeting an hour before it was to start and her Dad was able to take her. Wednesday, I had to miss her final Orff ensemble...since I work Wed. nights to pay for her braces. AND, next week on Wed. we were supposed to go see Wicked (her last grade school field trip) but, I can't get the day off work and I have to teach that night. So...she's been on her own this past week, which really pulls at my heart strings. Last night I was in bed and she said, "Mom, come cover me" To which her Dad replied, "Do you want me to do it?" And I said no, it's one of the few things I'm able to do, so by all means let me get my butt out of bed and go cover her. (This is the time also when I put medicine on all of her various breaking out sites and then lotion her up) -- It really helps her relax and gives us a minute to bond. So...at least I got that done. I know I have only 13 months left of this part of the journey, but there are surely times when you wonder if it's all worth it. At this point in my life, I just can't imagine having a flexible schedule, and having choices with my time. It seems a far way off, but if that is the outcome, the pain will definitely be worth the gain. When my baby is in high school, just for the record, I do not intend to miss not even one moment!

Until next time...

A dose of independence

Yes my 12 year old is now in full blown adolescence. She and her Dad have had a few disagreements lately and she is still a bit angry with him. I suggested to Dad perhaps a session or two with our family therapist would help. OK he said....so I scheduled an appointment for the both of them. As I told Kristina this last night, her usual 12 year old pout came over her face and she replied, "What? You didn't ask me first? Then I'm not going!" OK, I said, that's certainly up to you...(a good dose of Parenting with Love and Logic never hurt anyone you know!) and the pout continued. In case I didn't hear her the first time (and probably wondering why I didn't argue with her), she said it again..."I'm not going!" To which I replied, "OK, love you...see you in the morning" Time will tell on this one, but it's sure nice to know she is exerting her independence right on schedule :)

Hello Dolly, Well hello Dolly...yes, that song is surely stuck in my head. Stephanie has her musical this weekend with the last 3 1/2 hour dress rehearsal tonight (the forth one this week!) She was quite sleepy this morning and it is obvious that it is catching up to her. Of course in addition to the rehearsals, she's had a ton of homework this week, so some nights she's gotten home at 9:45 and still had homework to do. Tomorrow, Grandma will go, then I will go Saturday, and Dad will go Sunday...so she'll have someone at every show. The show is at HHS, if you are interested in going. I think tickets are $5-- Friday and Saturday are at 7:00 and Sunday matinee at 1:00. There productions are really great. Perhaps I'll see you there!

Finally the snow is melting...the foot thick chunk of ice at the end of my driveway is finally gone, but it sure is a time of year when everything looks a bit ugly :( Soon, it will be beautiful...I just need a bit of patience...it sure was a rough winter...I hope that the potholes get filled soon before my suspension is shot!

Yesterday, my daughter had a threat at her school, written on a note found in the bathroom. The note compared the NIU event to what would happen at HHS on 3/27. The only glitch is there is no school on 3/27. It is sad that kids are so disturbed as to write threats such as these. The school was abuzz with police officers and news cameras :( It feels like anywhere you send your child is risky...that is where faith comes in. In church last week, Dr. Bill emphasized the importance of daily prayer. I have had a renewed effort this week to pray for those I love (and the list is long) -- but I've done pretty good with it this week. Sadly, I had gotten out of the habit of praying for my children. Kids today need a lot of support to get through the craziness and parents that love them despite their craziness. So, I pray.

Today, I have a mammogram, 18,000 errands to run, a group to facilitate tonight, and homework to do. If time allows, perhaps working on my scrap space....sounds iffy at best. I was surely going to do it last night, but laid down for a brief [or really a 2 1/2 hour] nap, and that was that...got up in time to see David Hernandez get voted off idol, and really was a bit surprised. Yes he didn't do well this week, but really did people like the square dance version of 8 days a week better? Evidently! I think sometimes the girls' cuteness carries them through when their music isn't so good! The best part of Idol this season is by far...TIVO!!! No commercials, no watching the endless chatter when I don't feel like it, and no watching them sings songs again that weren't good the first time!

Have a great Thursday!

Until next time...