Who are those kids and why do they keep calling me mom?

I saw a lady with that saying on her shirt this weekend and also saw a really cute coffee mug with the same saying. When I see a cute mug, I almost think I should take to drinking coffee, but then the smell....yuck! I digress....yesterday was parent teacher conference day and really I know I have great kids...but when you go to conferences and they all tell you what great kids you have...you kind of wonder....me? (looking around for anyone else in the room) you mean me? The one who has mommy guilt A LOT....the one who's not sure if they'll someday be on Oprah speaking of what a screw up I was? Me? Really? Why....thank you, thank you very much...anyway...I put in the 13 hour day and hustled my hiney to the school. (I only made the middle school conferences which peeves my big girl...but next time...I promise to hit the high school too) -- All good reports....for my sonshine..."stays on task, ignores distractions, stays away from the misbehaving kids, works hard, has a great sense of humor" and for my precious one..."does all the right things, is so conscientious, hard worker, ask questions, tries really hard". I guess I didn't report on the midterms that came out a few weeks ago...Steph I think all A's and one B, Brennan all A's & B's & one D in science due to some work that hadn't been turned in, Kristina All A's but one B in Algebra. She insisted on getting some tutoring for Algebra cuz really, a B is just not ok with her....(I'm not really sure where she gets that from, but let's just say someone they know really well has straight A's in grad school :) I went home to find they had even done a little bit of picking up around the house. I did a few loads of laundry, watched Y&R, collapsed into bed at 11:00 and thanked my lucky stars for these kids that call me mom.

Ketchup only

Finally...blog #2 is up and running...and it is REAL plain... it needs a lot of work, and I have a lot of ideas for it. I'm off school for the next two weeks and that is one of many projects on the list. Check it out here if you get a minute...thanks!

Where did Ketchup only come from you ask? For the last few weeks I pondered the name of a new blog, a place where I could write about my son's life with Asperger's. A place that other families could turn to for resources, help, a laugh, or a listening ear. I digress...back to ketchup only...now, one would think that ordering a cheeseburger, ketchup only, would not be such a monumental task. One would also think that raising a son would not be such a monumental task. Throw Asperger's Syndrome into the mix and both of those things become monumental. I cannot remember how many times my son ordered ketchup only...only to get a cheeseburber with everything that resulted in 1) the cheeseburger flying across the room, car, restaurant etc., 2) a meltdown that could last God knows how long and, not or....and 3) my bubba being too upset to eat anything. That's the imagery...my life with my boy, and my boy with Asperger's...the ups, the down's and everything in between.

A new more focused me...

Yesterday I had the amazing opportunity to meet with a fabulous researcher (ok, many of you just clickity clicked away from my site when I mentioned research right?) Anyway, I met with THE most fabulous researcher and have decided to start blog #2. I need some help though and here's where you come in...I need a name...there is so much cutting edge research on Autism and the middle ear functions, and also the relatedness between Fibromyalgia and PTSD (Post traumatic Stress Disorder) that really needs to be discussed. Besides that, I want to share my family's stories of resiliency for those that are in the throws of life on life's terms while living with Autism, Fibromyalgia or PTSD. I don't talk about those topics much here because I think there is a distinct and rather small audience that would be interested in the specifics...So...here's where blog #2 comes in...focusing mostly on Autism/Asperger's and the parenting of A/A teens...and a little on Fibromyalgia and PTSD...but...I need a name...something that will pique your interest that hasn't been used before...any takers? any ideas? Please, comment! Thanks!

Random Thoughts from a mother's heart...

Tuesday night my 14 year old son spent the night at a friend's house for the first time. It was very scary for me...not so much for him. My son has autism...this is a big step for him. He's only really had friends for the past few years and is very, um, well, unadept (is that a word) at navigating the 'friendship waters' so to speak. We have been 'practicing' friendship skills with him by having a few friends over on Friday nights to play video games. This of course is not really interactive play, but parallel play with friends in the same room. Be that as it may...it is the closest thing to friendship he knows. He had a play date arranged at this friend's house and called me at work to say..."Brandon asked me to sleep over." (According to his sister my son called Brandon and said...how bout I just sleep over?) A truly bold step for my boy. Immediately I talked myself through the small panic I was having. I would not be home to adequately 'prep' him...to go through all the social rules he won't observe or be aware of. I'll have about 15 minutes in the car to talk to him on the way to dropping him off and I don't know this family very well. I've only met them a few times. Will they accept my child as he is? Will they reprimand or belittle him? Will they appreciate his differences? Will the boys get along? Will my son have a panic? What if it rains? L-e-t G-o...That's all I could think of...this boy has to grow through the tough times...hopefully this won't be one of them. I dropped him off at Brandon's and had a brief uncomfortable conversation with his Dad..."Uh, yes, thank you for having my son over...he has High Functioning Autism (assuming here the whole world knows what that is) and he's never stayed over at anyone's house before." (I made a conscious decision here to not go through all the 'what ifs') I went on..."If for some reason (of which there could be many-is silently muttered to myself) this doesn't work out, please don't hesitate to call me...say if the boys don't get along, or Brennan feels like he needs to come home, please just have him call me...even if it's in the middle of the night." "Awww, don't worry, we'll be just fine" and off the Dad went back into the house. Uh, ok...I guess this is the part where I get in the car and go home...ok, I'm going now....really, I'm not peeking in the windows and stalking my son and his fragile interactions...I am going....now. I was off. I called to check on him that night, the next morning and the next afternoon. My son said, "I'm having fun...we played ping pong, I lost a tooth, I have most of my stuff packed except my tooth which is on the table." "Ok, my 22 hours of worrying is up...I'm coming to get you." "Ok Mom...see ya" I picked him up and really he wasn't too worse for the wear! He was a bit stressed that there was a disagreement between the parents while he was there, to which he replied..."it didn't really make me feel comfortable or welcome and I was a bit scared, kinda like I am with Dad" (Dad yells, I don't....and he's not really about yelling) I asked what they were fighting about and if they swore and he said no...Brandon's Dad said I could stay over without talking to the Mom and the Mom was mad. Oooohhhh, a mother scorned...been there! I reassured my son that anytime he wants to come home or feels unsafe all he has to do is call me. "I know" he said, "but I really wanted to stay" Yes my love...I know you did. Really, the biggest deal was the parents smoked, which my son said, "sets a bad example for their kids :)", gotta love him! We threw everything in the wash and sent him to the shower when he got home, and that was that. So far...so good!

Onward to the precious one (my baby girl) She has been all set to start Corn detassling any day. The team leader called on Monday to leave a message. She called him back 3 times and he hadn't called back. This morning, precious one's bff called to see why she wasn't there to detassle. WHAT?!?! Because we didn't know it started is why! So...evidently corn detassling is on the agenda for tomorrow. She has to be there at 5:30 and I'm sure a small stroke will ensue if she is late...so I imaging I'll be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow! I really didn't mind that she missed today since it is really hot and humid here...hope she gets through it ok. She's a tough cookie.

The big girl is getting through her lifegaurding classes just fine and plays her first softball game tonight (in the sweltering heat) since the cast removal. I'm super glad she's been swimming this week to rebuild a bit of stamina after the 6 weeks of sitting around. Her hand still hurts when she pitches, so I'm pretty sure that will not be on the agenda. I am a little miffed that it costs me $125 bucks for her to play the last 4 games-- but she wants to finish out the season and who knew she'd break her hand the first week, right?

Finally, weighing heavily on the mother's heart is the thought of my kids moving out. It seems odd to me that a few short moments ago we were overcome with diapers, babyfood, and more baby equipment than I ever thought was possible...now here it is time to look at colleges, ACT prep, driving and the list goes on. I believe serious dating is just around the corner and I surely don't think I'm ready for that. When I see a young couple holding hands or kissing in public I think...what on Earth will I do when that is my daughter or son? At my daughter's age I had already gone through my first heartbreak and was dating a guy I would later become engaged to and move out of state with. I feel TRULY blessed that my daughter has put off the inevitable as long as possible...but I am sure having to come to grips with it (dating) momentarily! She stated to me the other day that she'll be needing a homecoming dress for the dance. Uh...ok, sure. Someone texted her the other night to see if she liked him too. She asked me what to say to him, cuz in fact she doesn't like him. I urged her to use the old tried but true heartbreaking statement, "I like you as a friend." And that was that....She let me know the other day it's 14 weeks until she gets her license. AAARGH!!! Where did the time go? My son starts driving in 8 short months! I must quit now before I work myself into a mommy tizzy!

Until next time...

SURPRISE!!

Finally the surprise for my children (and for me) arrived yesterday. After work I went to my internship to see one client and got a referral for 3 more (that was really terrific!). I left there are headed to the bus station to pick up my Mom who had flown in from Arizona. Over the past month it has been difficult at best to keep this a surprise for the kids, but somehow we managed to get away with it. My Mom is quite thin after her heart issues and subsequent surgery. I told her we'd fatten her right up here ;) We started out with our favorite Cantonese food last night from Chen's! Yummmmmmy! Oh wait...before that, we had to come home and surprise the kids. Stephanie was sitting at the table completing hopefully the last of her enormous homework load this week when Grammie walked in... As Grammie was hugging Stephanie, Kristina was in the other room and heard her voice. She said that at first she didn't know if it was me or Grammie (since we often sound very alike) but quickly came to investigate...She was VERY happy to see her Grammmie! Brennan was gone to a friends house when Grammie arrived. When he came home later, he was busily talking to his friend when he noticed Grammie..."Oh, hi Grammie!" he said, without really missing a beat. Grammie of course was surprised at how tall he is now! I'll have to check but he's either really close to passing me, or perhaps already has! I digress...after the girls got their Grammie hugs, Kevin walked in shortly after that with Dinner. After Dinner we were off to Kristina's band concert.

Get a tissue ready because I think in a few seconds here you'll be rotfl! We dropped Kristina off at the front of the school and went to park the car. She had her trombone in one hand and her music book in the other. She saw her friend Ryan up ahead of her and began running to catch up to him. (Let me interject here that without eating for the past 5 days due to the braces, my baby girl has lost 6 lbs!) Anyway...as she was running, it slowly came over us that indeed her pants were falling down! I mean Down! Like to her knees down and she had no free hands to pull them up. She grabbed them with her full hand and quickly pulled them up! She turned to look to see if we saw what happened. Ummmm, yeah. By this point I was laughing so hard I could not catch my breath. I had to stop the truck because I thought I was going to pass out! Literally I began seeing stars! I have truly never, never laughed SO hard in my entire life. What I wouldn't give for a photo of that event!

After the concert I asked Kristina what Ryan thought of her pants falling down. She said, "Oh, I don't think he noticed. He just said, Oh did you trip?!?" To which more roaring laughter erupted! Good thing my baby was such a good sport about it! Ryan and Kristina have been friends since 1st grade. His mom is from the UK so even Ryan has a slightly English accent, which I love. I can just hear him say...Did you trip? in his very proper sounding English ;) Bless his heart! For many years he was the only boy at the birthday parties with 10 other girls and he always had a great time. He's a super neat kid. Half way through the concert I was sitting up on the top bleacher when a little hand came up between (yes between) my legs and up came a 4 year old boy from underneath the bleachers!!! Why was this concert the craziest event of my life!?! I thought for sure I was giving birth to a four year old. Odd. Yes, very odd. We got through one more song and it was totally quiet as they were getting ready to play the next song...just then of course my Mom's cell phone rang! OMG! It reverberated through the gym and of course everybody looked at her. I just shook my head...crazy Grammie! We finally got through the concert without any more odd events and headed to BR for some yummy ice cream. After we got home, Kristina had fun trying on Grammie's new wig collection. Don't ask me why my mother is now wearing wigs. Yes my mother with the perfect, never a hair out of place hairstyle...wigs. Who knew? I took a video of Kristina's fabulous Trombone solo. Not really a solo for her but a solo for the trombone section. How fun is this?

They also played one of my Mom's all time favorite tunes, Hang on Sloopy... Too cool!

After we got home it was time for surprises. My mom brought us each THE coolest zipper purses. I cant really describe them, but after I take pictures you'll get the gist. The purse is made out of one l-o-n-g zipper and after you zip it together it's a purse. Very cool. Very different! My girls thought they were the best!

Brennan had a great time playing laser tag with his friend Aubrey last night. It is so nice to see him breaking through the friendship barriers of autism and learning to become a good friend. When I treat clients at my internship it becomes very obvious how far he's come and what a fantastic child I have :) After quite an eventful day... I crashed into bed and prayed for baby Mark. He needs lots of prayers so please please....keep praying. It seems he is on the upward swing but it is very touch and go. Please pray for his family Matt, Jen, Payton, and Savannah too.

Until next time...

Happy Birthday Breeber!

Brennan Milo Ruch, Born 5-12-94 @ 1:32 PM My son turned 14 yesterday. 14!!! Hard to believe isn't it? To coin an old phrase...it seems like yesterday...he was still my little baby. As a boy, he has always amazed me. Even from the second he was born, you could tell he was a boy. He had little boy shoulders and a little boy chest. I remember saying the second he was born...look at his little shoulders! And marveling at how amazing he was. I am so blessed with this child. He is a challenge. Autism is a challenge, but one I wouldn't trade for anything. I connect with him. I understand his soft heart. I understand how he desperately wants to fit in, and how he wants to have friends, and how we wants to be liked. I understand his joy after playing with his friends last Friday and sighing, "This is the happiest day of my life!" I understand when he cries when someone has hurt his feelings, and my heart breaks for him. I understand when he is bullied and doesn't understand why. I understand why he stands and looks at flowers, or the sky, or a bird on her nest and says, "Nice work, God!" Or when he sees the sun peak through the clouds and says, "Mom, look at God's Glory shining down." I understand when his Dad is tough with him and I have to bite my tongue, because I know he needs this too. Believe me my son I understand, because in my heart...you will always be my precious baby boy. Now as he is on his way to manhood and whatever the future may hold, I continue to understand and I continue to love him with my whole heart. He still amazes me. Happy Birthday Brennan!

Love my Honey Do!

My husband's honey-do-list has been getting bigger and bigger lately....well last night he was getting things done and I LOVE that about him! We have had the most ugly basketball hoop along side our driveway since moving in (11 years ago!) Well, really it's only been 'ugly' the past few years...Anyway, I decided it had to go...The problem is...it's quite the project. The brilliant former owners filled the post with cement, making it quite difficult to dispose of. The man of the house was not to be deterred... Give a guy a big saw, a carbide blade, and lots of patience, and eventually you end up with this... TIMBERRRRR!!! That was part one. We still have the get the rest of the post and the cement base out, but that is a task for another day. We were left wondering what to do with the 1/2 basketball hoop post left sticking out of the ground. I thought it would make a good hitching post, but this was the nearest thing to a horse we could find... Ok, so Bluey didn't really appreciate that idea ;)

My son has Asperger's Syndrome (on the Autism Spectrum) and when he was little, well actually still, he had such a soft heart. He has always been somewhat intrigued with Ants. He even had an Ant farm for a while. Whenever he saw an ant, that of course we would want to kill, he would yell, no that's my pet! Do not kill the ant pets! So last night, there was an amazing mass of ants at the entrance to the garage. I went inside and said, "Hey Brenn, come and see these ant pets!" Out he ran (my son who hates going outside) What I found is...he's still intrigued with ants... I appreciate his low maintenance 'pets' :) And I appreciate his uniqueness.

Ok, so let me apologize that this post has a million different topics, but I have so much I wanted to share...the girls are busy ramping up for softball and wanted to practice last night. Of course a softball was no where to be found....but Kristina did find this... Ok Sarah, I know your freaking out right now...yes that is the ipod frog thing we bought at 5AM or was it 4, the day after Thanksgiving....yes, we bought it, yes, I hid it well in the garage, and yes I forgot to give it to her for her birthday! I must say, however, that she was quite excited to find it yesterday. {sigh} She can plug her ipod into it and use it for external speakers, and the speakers have an LED light show....Cool! After finding that, I took this really sweet picture of Nina.... It's not often that I get a 'natural' looking picture of her, so I really love this one. Also, my poor beeba suffers from terrible allergies and eczema, and right now, her face isn't broken out too badly...Yup, this pics a keeper!

Ok, only 3 more topics! Are you still following along? :) I have this float/sink 'shaky' toy on my desk at work that all the kids love. Here is my baby Emma yesterday, trying to look at me through the 'shaky thing' (That's what her brother Ethan has affectionately named the toy) It was so sweet just to watch her look at the tube, and try to see me through it. I'm a bit weird that way in that I could watch kids learn and explore all day!

As Mother's Day is on the horizon, I told my kids I would like to install a Mother's Garden and for Mother's Day I would like them each to pick out a Rose Bush that they feel represents them. I am so excited to finally get this project underway. About 8 years ago I planted the tree and a shrub to anchor the planting, but have never gotten around to installing the garden....so, that's another project for May. When I was little, we would go to the garden store and buy my Mom her flowers for Mother's Day to plant in the yard. That, to this day, is one of my fondest memories; working in the yard with my Mom, and finally being old enough to plant flowers, not just pull weeds :) A few years ago, my kids got me this It's a beautiful Bradford Flowering Pear tree, and it blooms every year at Mother's Day....how cool is that? I can't believe how fast it's grown AND how beautiful it is this year. So many of the pear trees were damaged or broken off by the heavy snow this winter, but mine is more beautiful than ever. Isn't God amazing? He surrounds us with such beauty everyday. As my kids like to say... "Nice work God!"

FINALLY! This arrived in the mail. Although I have only glanced through it briefly, I believe I will have to make all 50 pages in this book! I really love Lisa Bearnson's work and her insight into her family and herself. Although I am no longer Mormon, I was Mormon through my teenage years, and still feel a special bond with many of their practices. Lisa is raising a Mormon Family and I love to read her excerpts. Tonight Kristina has a 2 hour softball practice...where you will find my nose planted in this book!

Until next time...