Have I mentioned I hate being new? I really do...I hate being new to a job...new to a class...new to a friend...new to a task I haven't yet mastered. I am not sure why I hate it so much. I feel pretty confident and most of the time I do relatively well at things unless something crazy or stupid happens and then I just blame someone else for the craziness. What?!? You don't do that too? Well, who knew? Anyway...I'm on week two of my internship. I must say the newness hasn't been too bad. The clients aren't the issue. I feel really comfortable seeing patients. It's the paperwork, the organizational whatever you want to call it...you know...whose desk you can take a pen off of, whose not to touch for fear of losing a finger, that sort of stuff. Along with the...what to wear. What does everyone else wear? Are flip flops ok, cuz really I can't deal with summer without flip flops. I haven't seen any of the Dr.'s wearing flip flops with their suits yet, but that hasn't deterred me.
Oh...AND...the newest thing to learn...dictation. At my new internship I dictate my patient notes. I never thought I'd have a hard time making a coherent thought for someone else to type. aka talking. For those of you that know me personally, clearly talking is not an obstacle for me! But when the recorder is on...well, let's just say it's not so smooth! Here's the deal...I should really type my own case notes , since I have to type them before I dictate them to avoid sounding like a total idiot with lots of ummms, what was I going to say, did you get that, hello, is anyone in there, is this live or memorex? Yes the whole dictation thing will take a bit of getting used to.
Overall, finally after 41 years of relative insecurity...I finally feel confident enough to feel comfy in my own skin, and that's a nice place to be. I have a friend that writes about the newness, the first impressions, the concern about other's feelings, etc. etc. and really friend...it'll all be ok. Be yourself. People have choices and everyone's not gonna like you, but some people will and they'll become fast friends. So be it. Be yourself and hope for the best. People will see the true you and they'll love you for it. They might not see it the first day...but they'll see it. I think it is hard for us as women and I think Hillary's campaign is a stark example of the obstacles we face. If we are tough...then the b**** word naturally follows. If we are soft, then we have no backbone. If we aren't tough, then we don't have balls enough to get the job done. So where's the happy medium? I believe that comes from being ok with yourself. Be as tough as you have to be to feel safe and as soft as you have to be, to love the important people in your life and to receive love back from them. It is a difficult balancing act as best. I think it's a challenge women of 2008 face daily and I'd like to hear from you. What's your preference as a woman? Tough or soft? or a happy medium? And if you're a man....really we won't beat you down! What's your preference? Because as our husbands, fathers, and fathers of our children what you think matters. We might not change our ways ;) but we still like to know what you think! Post a comment and share with me what tricks you have to feel confident in new situations...and how to balance toughness with a touch of lovely.
Until next time...